Old difficulties, demons, desperation, return as I attempt to leave homelessness, in the same order I left them behind. Like that great adventurer in Jules Vernes classic, Journey to The Center of The Earth, I am riding atop a tumultuous geyser blast out of the pit of the earth. If anything were to go wrong now, it would be disastrous. Not only would I not make it completely out of homelessness, but my situation would be worse than ever before. I must make myself completely free and clear of all issues of homelessness, or else.
Becoming homeless was never an "undertaking of a great adventure." And I'm not sure how "great" it has been, but I confess it has been adventurous. And though there are certain connotations with the word "adventurous," please disallow yourself the inclination to think anything "fun" or "joyful" could be inferred in its use.
As muddled as my mind was when entering the other worldliness of street life, I have since only sought out to cleanse my mind, and to perceive homelessness will all clarity; so to relay it to you completely, with unspoiled truth. Doing so is the only way that I can reclaim any benefit from the many years I've spent living homeless, that might otherwise be considered a waste.
Yes, being homeless is, in a way, an escaping from many of life's difficulties, but please believe me, it is a wrong turn. You find yourself at a dead end - homelessness is a lifeless black pit from which escape seems impossible.
Often homeless people are accused of only seeking a means of avoiding responsibility, but nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, in the pit of homelessness, there are few "responsibilities," but the reason for being in the pit is something entirely different. What drives a person into the pit is an indescribably ugly thing. And I only hope one day to be able convey what that ugliness is, in a way that others can understand it. It is one of purposes of this blog.