Saturday, July 12, 2008

Whispers

So, once again the weight of the world comes crashing down on me, and I am no Atlas. When a person such as myself who has little in life comes to lose even that, any motivation he may have to try and survive this world is lost.

I realize that my main motivation for getting a place again, was the chance that I would be able to restore relationships with my children. Well, finally I was able to connect with them - and as best I could I let them know how much I loved them, and how much I wanted to be a part of their lives. Before, I couldn't even do that. But, they have responded with silence. There is no motivation within them to seek me out - to have me in their lives. Could they really care less?

And, then there is all of the rest of the world that seems to be losing it's collective mind. It really seems that a collapse of civilization is eminent. Is it that our planet is about to die, and us with it? The North Pole will be melted by the end of Summer. How insane is that?

So, what is the point of anything, anymore? The canary in the coal mine is laying on the bed of it's cage, gasping for breath.

6 comments:

  1. Please hang in there, Kevin. I know it's extremely difficult to hang on when it all seems so pointless, but please keep going towards your goal.

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  2. You said that your children have responded with silence. I think that is better than "no" because they may be taking there time to see if they are ready yet. It takes a lot of time to rebuild trust. They may be scared to get involved because they would be risking getting hurt. So just be patient with them. Easy to say, hard to do, I know. But I think that the best thing you can do right now is to let them know that you would like to reestablish a relationship and then let them come to you in their own time.

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  3. It takes time and a lot of hard work and sometimes pain to make a relationship with estranged family members. Been working on some of mine for years. Give your kids some time to grow up. Often times it's not until they have their own children that "they come back home." I agree with the poster above. Don't let this get you off track; and try not to get swallowed in by all the sensational stuff in the media. They are in the business of "making" news, not necessarily reporting it.

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  4. and they may pick up on that, and be a bit scared just because of that. being someones reason for anything is a bit of a frightening thing.. especially if you feel you may not be or have enough to see them through their goals. they might feel like if things take a turn for the worse again, it will be their fault for not being enough.

    get things together for you... and they will feel more secure in that in their own time. show them... and they will see, even if while you tell them it seems they arent listening.

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  5. Its not easy, if you have been out their life for so long.

    But if you keep chipping away, you will get there in the end.

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  6. Tough situation. Your job as a father is not defined by their (lack of) response. You can still invite, offer & reach out. I think their hearts will soften eventually. That said, I'm sure it is/was hard having only intermittent contact with you over the years and bred some resentment. You may need to acknowledge that to move foward with them. Which is really all any of us can do in any relationship--move forward despite hurts and disappointments. So don't give up. Having met you, I think you are up to the task.

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