What I'm thinking people are not understanding is that I am trapped here in homelessness. I am always trying to find a way out. And I have tried everything - yes, even that ol 'turn your life over to Jesus' crap.
I am constantly being pressured to leave homelessness. I'm told I'm a worthless piece of trash for being homeless. And I want very much to not be homeless - but, to just be joe fuckin' average. I want it even more than your hate of the homeless. I most definitely would if I could. Still, it is something I cannot achieve on my own. The only time I have ever been off the streets is when someone has taken me in. You have no idea how much I hate myself for it - how much I wish I were dead.
And stuck in this situation so many people still piss on me. It's a virtual water-boarding.
Some few people try to help, I guess. They tell me to keep hope. Hope implies that things will eventually get better. When? How many more decades of this am I supposed to endure before things get better? Will they say at my funeral, "well, his life was only so much suffering, but he had hope."
Hated, despised, outlawed, left to live in abject poverty, where did my suffering come from?
What did I do to deserve this life? To have these insurmountable problems?
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Rock, Meet Hardplace
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I understand your thoughts and would hope with you that everything changes for you. I can honestly state that you have inspired me to do things for the homeless. My wife and I went downtown on our recent visit from Ohio and passed out items that you listed on your website. I also gave a man $5 . He stated he was a Vet. The gentlemen who received our supplies introduced themselves and shook our hands. I would not have been able or informed enough without your blog. I live 500 miles away and can offer you no face to face help. I believe you provide a service, a voice if you will , that is being heard. You must have a strength that you don't realize in order to survive these trials. I wish I could offer more than my words but you have raised my awareness of the homeless in Nashville and if I move there as planned I will be actively involved in the homeless community. I hear your voice.
ReplyDeleteHope is cruel. It leads to disappointment when things don't change, when you go through the same things over and over and over and over, getting slapped down and laughed at by those who have no clue what it's like to try to struggle your way up, up, up, and out of poverty when the system seems to be built to keep people where they are.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, all we can do is keep going forward, not worrying about the distant future, just worrying about today.
Aha , now u show ur TRUE colors.profane, disrespectful, lewd. really had all those nice church folks snowed, didn't u?Wanna be joe f***ing average, go get a job , ANY job and stop taking $ from poor suckers who can't conceive of any brute as low as u actually r! pull your own weight, handle your own fights instead of tattling on people ( like u did recently on Richard) & support ur kids! It's really that simple. NOW JUST GO DOWN TO A DAY LABOR OFFICE & SHAPE UP NOW!!!u r not a baby , u just wanna be a baby !! after a hard day's work u'll be too stiff & stupid to able think about anything but flopping on a soft bed. u got 2 much free time , u lack creativity to make use of it & so u r miserable! take a vacation from slothful leisure and start living an ORDINARY hard-working life. NOW!!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences openly. There are many different places online in which we can become familiar with a lifestyle that remains largely unfamiliar to many.
ReplyDeleteThe last comment should be ignored, yet you choose to leave it posted for all to read. That points to an important aspect of what you deal with daily. If you can't share your feelings on a blog without the attacks of the ignorant, I can't begin to understand to what extent that plays out daily as you encounter those people, whether other homeless or those with a home, that work as an agent in Satan's army to try and confirm the lies pertaining to your value in this world and what you will or will not achieve.
The value that your life and transparency bring to those like me who follow your blog is immeasurable and desperately needed. The homeless population is destined to grow larger in the coming year and the information you have provided to this point could possibly save my life and lives of my family were one of those people to be me.
I'm not in any way pretending to know to what extent you struggle. Just know that prayers are being prayed for you. And be encouraged to know that the thoughts you share are actually revealing the lies that Satan is telling me are reasons why I cannot give my time, energy and resources to those in my community that are without homes. Continued effort and reliance on God to guide our decision making is guaranteed to bring us both into the life that was meant for us.
Get a job and your life will get better.
ReplyDeletesteve , u r a humanist disguised as a fundamentalist. this mock " homeless guy" ( he currently resides in a studio apartment!) blasphemed in his post! . all the heroes of the Bible were faced with choices , the righteous should encourage the befuddled to make moral choices! sinners should have their evil ways pointed out to them! many feelings r sinful eg vanity, lust, etc. let them sin not in ignorance! I encouraged hg to have humility, not to blaspheme & to work hard & to care for his family. sinners should be shown the straight & narrow path instead of having their sins glossed over with new-age happy talk. it's clods like u who have allowed Kevin to degenerate into such a messed-up nut. I have faith he will start working soon and build , with sincere prayer, a rewarding life for himself. Self -indulgence & self -glorification r not redemption. His hard work could serve as a kind of penance.Prostration and humility separate prayer from magic!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteone's " value in the world" is the chief preoccupation of self-aggrandising secular humanists!! piety should be more important than worldly , pride enhancing " achievement". "transparency" is a term borrowed from irreligious self-psychology. what schizoid viewpoints some dodos have!
ReplyDeletehey kevin ! check out LABOR READY at 237 HERMITAGE ABVENUE in nashville! they offer jobs in the hospiality industry among others.get there early before 6am for the " shape-up" where u may be sent out to a real job!! honest work, honest pay. DO RIGHT , DO GOOD & u'll feel a lot better. I think they issue daily paychecks, too, so there's no wait for your pay. go impress them, tiger!
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the daily job thing, that is barely short of slavery. I have done this, and they take all kinds of things out of your check. You work like a dog for barely any money, and they try to get you to violate safety protocols, knowing you are desperate. They wanted me to sweep up this fine black grit once, I knew we were supposed to be wearing respirators. I refused, and stated why, the guy got angry. You have to stand up for yourself. A homeless person has as much worth as a rich man. Keep your head up, your value is priceless. I have given money to homeless in the past, and I have donated multiple times to you. I have never regretted it or felt like I wasted my money. I as well as many others have learned much from you over a long time. We may not always agree on some issues, but you have very well reasoned thoughts behind your ideas. Please don't give up, I have been in some very black times in my life, and discouragement is easy. Satan will do whatever he can to drag you down.
ReplyDeleteKevin, Are you drawing a disability check? I know many homeless individuals are and are staying housed due to the same assistance you are getting. Those who are physically able are also finding work to help. I don't understand why you expect others to provide an income for you when there are so many out there who are much less able to provide any support for themselves due to mental or physical impairments. You have talents and abilities and demonstrate that on this blog. Now you have let your rent get so far behind you are losing your apartment. Another excuse to blame the system when you do nothing to help yourself? I wish I could spend all day surfing the Internet and writing on my blog expecting others to send me money but I don't get that luxury.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why mean people feel compelled to post anonymously. As Kevin has written, getting out of homelessness is more than just getting a job. There are layers to being homeless and layers to homeless people.
ReplyDeleteKevin, please keep posting about your own experience, in your own words. I know you know that you are doing good by being a homeless advocate, but I understand that you wish you could get out of being homeless and that you'd give anything you can to get out. I'm sorry this recent episode has hit you so hard. I wish I could offer you more than words of encouragement. I'm thinking of you.
aaron , where in the bible does it say one's value is priceless, especially if one is a non-believer and an obstinate , inveterate sinner. Are not unrepentant sinners merely shrimp for the barbie?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteAaron ,please don't discourage Kevin from pursuing honest opportunities. Not all day jobs are unsafe.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteYou call THG a non-believer, but you don't know what he believes. From his past posts I think he is a "believer" - perhaps he doesn't believe the way you believe, but from the way you treat THG, I think your beliefs are rather suspect.
Jesus said that only if you are without sin are you allowed to throw stones, and I believe that you, Anonymous, still sin. Jesus also said it's wrong to talk about imperfections in others when there are imperfections in yourself. And I bet you, Anonymous, are not perfect. And Jesus said to love everyone, even your enemies, but you do nothing but attack THG. You have done nothing to help him, but only to hurt him.
And btw, day labor is one of the biggest rip offs of the poor this country has ever produced.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteOne anonymous chickens**t who's too afraid to put any kind of contact info behind its hatred, and never had to worry about the roof over its head or the food on its table. Other anons, truly human. Takes all kinds, I guess.
ReplyDelete"Get[ting] a job" can't pay the bills, all too often, and even the crap jobs are going to be flooded with applicants in the coming year. Perhaps the "bright" side is that with the you-know-what hitting the fan, the chronic homeless and the newly homeless can build tent cities and band together, and the laid-off cops will be there with them to provide security.
Hang in there, Kevin. You might not get ahead, but there's a lot of people about to fall behind. They'll need your guidance. You have a purpose.
I never called thg a non-believer! thg DID make that horrific cr*p remark in his post yesterday tho . you and people like you are NOT helping thg by reinforcing his manipulative childish , irresponsible behavior with small gifts and cheap praise. about 1/2 of the comments ask for some accountability and decency from this blubbering grown man . these are the comments which are respectful of thg's potential to do good! the other 1/2 have very low expectations for him all the while dishing out mostly babying patronizing compliments which are given to make themselves look ever so kind and caring. If they think a plain old job is too good for him , are they willing to invite thg into their homes as a valued guest for an extended period of time, feed him and praise any " baby steps " he might take toward independence? Of course not! What hypocrites! Indulgence of bad behavior is not love .It is the most corrosive kind of hate. Censor what is bad and offer moral guidance! Don't throw money at tantrums. Oh, why are YOU ,previous commenter ,remaining anonymous? Could it be you realise it's absurd to criticize some one for the mere act of criticizing itself?
ReplyDeleteThrowing stones was a common PUNISHMENT in ancient times. Pointing out to some one that they are leading a dissolute life and behaving badly, and then suggesting positive courses of action to take is NOT punishment! It is being a friend. Let us make that distinction. I'm not dealing with educated people here, obviously.
ReplyDelete"I'm not dealing with educated people here, obviously."
ReplyDeleteThat statement is a stone, and you threw it. Consider yourself educated.
How about you folks who want to argue among yourselves about your beliefs and your intentions take it outside? None of that is helping Kevin.
ReplyDeletePointing out that some one is uneducated is not punishment. It's what all the disciples did when they spread the Gospel!
ReplyDeletewit illuminates truth.
ReplyDeletewas your riposte TRULY witty , Kevin?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteI imagine you also think yourself full of humility - another of the virtues that Jesus thought important.