Heeding My Own Advice

So, yeah, I haven't written much lately. It's not like I have nothing to write about. It's just that when I finally open up my blogger account, I lose interest, my mind wanders. I've been feeling this way for quite a while. So, to break through this, I guess I need to start typing, no matter what, regardless.

I'm still baffled by my internet personality. In person, I am quiet, fearful even, not saying a whole heck of a lot - I know there is potential that the first thing out of my mouth isn't going to be the best choice of words). But when I'm online, in chat rooms, or in Secondlife.com, my thoughts flow so easily, confidently - I say the right things, and people like what I have to say. Intimacy scares me, except when I have a computer between myself and others. Many people consider computers to be the bane of civilization, but for me they have been a saving grace.

After all this time, all this separation from my children, and with the admission that they have little interest in pursuing a relationship with me, I still think of them every day. I wonder how they are doing, and what they are doing. As the myriad situations of my daily life happen, I consider how they could be used as teachable moments for them, for providing them with advice that will help them through the rest of their lives. I have so much to tell them, to share with them, I hope one day to get that chance. (Yes, much of it will be of the "do as I say, not as I do" variety. just like most parents.)

I would like to have a cat, but they are not allowed by the housing management.

It is funny how the different homeless service providers who are involved in this particular project (that has gotten myself and several other homeless people off the streets), are not on the same page. The homeless in this project are first given the "housing first," pitch ~ a program of incremental improvements in their situation, starting with being on the street and taking them, eventually, to a place of complete self sufficiency. Our first stop is to be moved into "temporary shelter." That is where I am at now, a very tiny efficiency. When I step out of my front door, I find myself immediately in an alley - one that is heavily traveled. Two steps beyond my front door and I could be hit by a moving car or delivery truck. And people still occasionally knock on my door at 2 or 3 in the morning, only to ask for a cigarette, or other such BS. These are usually crackheads who have lost all sense of time and decorum. And yet, I was told just Friday that where I am now living is not considered temporary housing, but permanent. So, this program has no where else for me to go after all.

I was reminded this past week of all the Christians who believe it is somehow ok to force Jesus on others - as if the hoped for ends justify the means. What they hope for is to have a conversation with you, at the end of which you will make a declaration of faith in Jesus. But, if you never converse with them, they'll never achieve that glorious end. So one of their tactics is coercion. They will temp you, the poor and hungry, into their facility with a promise of food. Yet, while you are eating, they will be preaching at you, whether you like it or not. They certainly don't ask for your permission to do so. At a place here in Nashville called, The Foundry, they will blast the gospel over loud speakers to make sure you don't miss a word. They are not unlike unschooled rock and rollers who believe that the quality of their work increases with the volume. But loud gospel is really no better than soft, peaceful gospel. And I imagine that the softer voice is more effective in changing lives. The Bible even says as much. 1Peter 3:15 "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." Yes, with gentleness and respect. If you miss those two words, you miss the meaning of the gospel. Jesus did command his followers to give to whomever asks, to give to the needy. But, what Jesus did NOT say, was to make giving to people conditional. Jesus never said, "Give only to those people who will listen to you preach." At The Foundry, where I went for dinner last Thursday, an announcement was made before the food was served that it was required of people to sit through their evangelistic program to receive the food. They began serving at 5:30pm...they said the service would be over by 7pm. And I noticed that once everyone had begun to eat, and the preaching started, that people working at the Foundry were stationed at the exits to discourage anyone from leaving. That is the kind of thing that cults do. It's a dangerous precedent. It is not of God. Some people say that it's a small price to pay for free food, but this is not about the price. What they are doing is wrong, at any price. And this isn't even a commentary on the way the gospel was preached and interpreted there ~ though I thought it atrocious. If you want to read an excellent exposition of how people get the Gospel wrong, read David Dark's book, "The Sacredness of Questioning Everything." If you hurry, you can get a free downloadable audio version of the book at Zondervan.com

Ok, I've given you good readers something to mull over. Thanks for being here. I'll try to post again tomorrow.