Sunday, January 26, 2014

Glad And Sad

It has happened again - it happens a lot.   I have blogged about a lot of homelessness.  I was the first "homeless blogger."

There had been a few homeless people with websites of their own, prior to my blog, but none of them had achieved any kind of real readership.   I started blogging in 2002, and so I was able to achieve a lot of "firsts".   I was the first to write about gift bags for the homeless.  I was the first to write about the difficulties homeless people have in keeping their feet healthy.   Since then, many people have taken my blog posts and have written them as their own.

As a homeless advocate, I think, "Good!" It helps to spread the word.  I started a chain reaction that has reached many people and, because of that reach, it has resulted in countless homeless people being helped.   You bet, I'm taking responsibility for making that happen, I'm patting myself on my back.

But then I see that people are taking this information I've put out there for the benefit of all homeless people, and they are benefiting financially from it.   Some people have created non-profits organizations, raised funds, and have given themselves income, all from the information I put out there.   Today, I found a youtube video that was created just a few months ago, that describes the whole gift bag for the homeless idea.    That video has already received over a million views.   If they have monetized that video, then they have earned at least 1000 dollars with it.

And I'm here, living in poverty, in a homeless shelter.  I am making some videos, but I struggle to get them made, and I have almost no viewership.

Yep, in a way, I am just feeling sorry for myself - I do that - perhaps too often.  I also get depressed often, and my anxiety can still be a problem.

There  are people who are making a living with blogs and with youtube videos.    I would like to achieve that level of success as well.   If I don't die from this tooth infection, then I'll try again after I get these teeth pulled, to be a popular blogger.

Yeah, about my teeth - if you read the other post you'll know that I went to the dentist recently.  I talked more about the infection, but the truth is, my teeth are in real bad shape.    Genetically, I have weak enamel.  Homelessly, I have had very little opportunity to take care of my teeth as I should have.   The current problem I have is actually with two teeth that sit side by side.  One tooth is broken horizontally, the other is cracked vertically, under the gum line.  And it seems the infection had spread throughout much of that side of my face.   My jaw, my sinuses, the roof of my mouth, etc were all in pain from the infection.  I'm not sure what's going to happen if the infection hasn't been reduced enough.   People die from untreated infections.  Yeah, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac - I figure most things are about to kill me.   And, hey, if I'm about to die, what's the point of making any more videos?

Ugh.