Tuesday, March 4, 2014

6 Months Homeless In San Diego

There were several reasons that contributed to my leaving Nashville and returning to San Diego.  Some were about my situation, but more important reasons had to do with wanting to be back home.   And there wasn't any reason for me to stay in Nashville.  In returning to San Diego I understood that I would also have to return to the streets.  But, oddly enough the thought of returning to the streets was more a motivator than a deterrent.   Getting back to experiencing homelessness and blogging about it seemed like (and still is) a good idea.  Of course no one would understand this, though some people have been asking "when you getting off the streets?"   And that has kind of complicated things.  Let me see if I can explain.

No two ways about it, homelessness is an ugly and undesirable way to live, no one in their right mind would ever choose this life for themselves. (although they often don't mind choosing it for someone else.)   My life is a comedy of errors, it's slapstick pratfalls in high places.   You know how someone falls in an epic was, but gets up, dusts himself off and says, "I meant to do that"?   Well, that's like me with homelessness.   Sometimes I become homeless and tell people I did it on purpose - it's a way of taking the heat off me, and  making it not hurt so bad.  But the truth is, homelessness for me is an inevitability.  That is, if I'm left to my own devices.  My devices are defective, and as has been proven time and again, the only way I ever get off the streets is when someone else comes along and lifts me up off the streets and provides the things I need to stay housed.   Yep, I am quite aware of the fact that society seriously frowns on such people - I guess that's why so many homeless people deny that reality about themselves - it's better to deny this ugly truth than to be subject to the scorn and rejection that comes from disappointing the world.

Still, I am not without hope, and not without some abilities.  So, I will do what I can, knowing full well that it will never be enough to create a "normal" life for myself - in a society that does not see homelessness as "normal."   One of the things that I can do, and do well, is to blog about homelessness, and I will continue to blog about my experiences and the ideas I have about homelessness - and if I am able, I'll make some video content as well, for the internet.

For most of the past 6 months (after a brief period of sleeping on sidewalks) I have been living in a shelter. But my time at that shelter is drawing to an end, perhaps by the end of this month.    Then I will be back to sleeping on sidewalks and wherever I can find a place to catch some Zs.   This is pretty much what I'd planned on doing anyway, once I got here to San Diego.  It was good to have a period of adjustment, of staying in the shelter, while I became accustomed to homeless life in San Diego - and learned my way around the city.

Still, if anyone feels so moved as to offer me a place to live off the streets, I will seriously consider it.  "Will work for modest accommodations."

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